The year of impermanence for Tina Turner, Sinéad O’Connor, Jeff Beck, Raquel Welsh, Matthew Perry and Alan Arkin saw a reddit thread on something more durable: tooth tattoos. That same year Julian Sands went for a hike in the severe winter weather of Southern California where he remained for five months until what remained of his remains was found by hikers. Part of his partial skeleton was his mandible with teeth; used to formally identify him, even though his wallet and driver’s licence were found nearby.
An incredibly adventurous end for an enigmatic actor, described as being wild, gentle and fearlessly romantic.
Could that equally describe tooth tattoos?
Maybe. We’ll see. Not that a tooth tattoo can ever compare to the life of a human, but we’ll take any segue we can get.
The aforementioned reddit thread’s title noted the prevalence of tooth tattoo discussions, and whether there was an abundance of dental hygienist Redditors. It amounted to a thread that was neither short, nor short on wry perspective and the bendiness of language.
The initial comment interpreted the question as referencing tattoos of teeth on the skin. What followed was the story of a friend whom, in order to alleviate the recurring nightmare she had of losing all her teeth, got herself a tattoo of a bicuspid. That way she’d always have “at least one.” It then made mention of how common a dream tooth loss is, and its apparent representation of fear of abandonment.
Depending on severity, it’s a symptom that reportedly affects between 6-40% of the global adult population. Anxiety has become a bit MLM: you’ve heard of it, not quite understood it and then it sneaks into your psyche it takes over your life, complete with its own shorthand and jargon. It’s hierarchy runs from attachment anxiety through adult separation anxiety level to Borderline Personality Disorder, each with its own compensations, bonuses, advantages and lifestyle performance incentives.
Which, if any of these, plays part in the decider for getting either a tooth tattoo, or a tattooed tooth is the stuff of a 3am reddit thread with no expectations as to how either will be defined and ergo defended. It’s no longer unusual to find more effort and meaning put into forgettable digital debates and self-serving somethings, than into living life itself.
It seems we’re quickly forgetting or ignoring how best to live it.
With it comes an existence that’s somewhat precarious in either (and sometimes all) aspects of physical, emotional and spiritual health. So many of us are on ‘what’s next’ mission: eagerly, willingly, or not so much. Much of the bizarre way we now move through life wasn’t even reasonably predicted a mere fifty years ago; a living memory so strangely warped and time-concertinaed. The time of answering machines as the height of voice technology keeping you socially connected readily contactable, seems so longingly short.
With so many ways to somehow make mark there are varying degrees of success when self-expression becomes mandatory, regardless of whether it’s worth expressing or not.
The very idea that every idea has the right to be heard, is enthusiastic applause for an enormous tin shed full of squawking chickens. That’s the kind of environment that spits out the likes of tooth tattoos and its ‘tattooth’ contraction.
Proof that without hunting and gathering to be done, far too much time is left on our idle, idle hands.
Tooth tattoos are never anywhere near the enamel or dentin of a healthy tooth.
No precision tattoo machines are involved. No needle depth to maintain. While there’s cutting edge dentistry and precision, it’s not the merging of traditional body inking and ancient tooth decoration.
It’s not even a tattoo.
It’s a permanent image that’s the cherry-on-top in the creative arts of dental prosthetics. Laser printed, hand painted, etched in or glazed and fired, done in-house or outsourced, there’s demand enough for this niche cosmetic product to have persisted for almost thirty years.
At his own Utah dental lab, fine artist Steven Heward began meticulously hand-drawing bespoke images on dental crowns the year Jeff Beck paid homage to Jimi Hendrix with Seal; an event that slips further downstream each time it’s recalled. Soon, the distant dot of it will be the size of the tiny works created by Heward.
Each dental impression sent to his lab is accompanied by a request; the fulfilment of which becomes part of the porcelain crown’s glazed, fired and polished form.
Nobody ever said you can’t have custom art on a custom tooth. Or that you have to give reason for wanting to cement your particular relationship with a particular something with dental cement.
For someone needing a dental crown for function as well as aesthetics, depending on the intricacy of design the extra expense sits in the hundreds. If it’s the result of a swift decision within the rapids of TikTok toothfluencers, it’s a cosmetic choice and procedure that will set you back close to two grand – the bulk of which is for the dental expertise required to safely make alterations that can impact and affect the way you eat and speak.
It’s really not something that should ever be attempted using online kits and who-knows-what glue.
What you’re messing with is tooth enamel. Which doesn’t repair or recover from chemical or mechanical damage. No matter how hilarious or profound your at-home “tattooth”, it’s sure not going to do you any good if there’s infection or decay because you decided you knew as much, if not more, than a dentist.
You don’t.
Even temporary dental tattoos shouldn’t be considered something to do on a wet afternoon at home with the kids.
Lasting from a number of hours to a couple of days, there are factors that can lead to tooth staining, scraped enamel, trapped bacteria and gum inflammation. Some become permanent reminders of a regrettable lapse of reason for no good reason even if you don’t have to give one.
As a form of self-expression, tooth tattoos’ audience finds in them an act of beauty, defiance, intrigue or secrecy – being that they’re not always on prominent display. That there can be a reveal is largely part of the appeal. That it can be shown at certain times or to certain people, or that its viewable only from a particular angle has an allure understood best by certain personality traits whether sliced and diced clinically, astrologically primal or comparatively; Vedic, numerologically, or purely by sense of smell – don’t be concerned if it’s the type of thrill that completely passes you by.
Is it wildly romantic?
Depends on the depiction or inscription. Does it have discernible aspects of gentleness and fearlessness? Well, hopefully; at least as a process that demands external gentleness, if nothing else… Undaunted while saving your own life during treacherous conditions is admirable. Feeling neither discouraged nor dissuaded from making some kind of completely socially insensitive choice within the realm of the freedom of self-expression isn’t fearlessness. It’s arrogance. Overall, we can do with a whole lot less of that.
Is wanting a “tattooth” a stamp of conceit? Is it the Sharpie of consumerism? Is it condescending to truly wonder at the point of them? What reason could there be for the trend in China for statements and symbols that encourage and motivate being engraved on 3D-printed dental crowns?
Overall, we can do with a whole lot more of that – as long as you see your dentist. Something we can always do with a whole lot more of, because it’s that that brings true beauty to the teeth of the beholder.
